Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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