the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
