He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
