I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
