remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
