Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
