Operation Purity has been aborted
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
