but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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