loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
