'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
