yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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