how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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