We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
