hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize