Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
