i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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