Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
