Dual....:-)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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