I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize