You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize