Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
