I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
