Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
