Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize