Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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