it's not cheating when I paid for it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
