I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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