i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
