apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
