I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
