I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
