i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
