aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
