Cold hands, warm shart.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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