I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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