Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize