i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
