im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
