Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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