We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
