new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
