So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
