Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
