My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
