I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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