We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
