dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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