6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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