Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
