I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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