I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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