I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
