when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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