Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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