i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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