I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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