I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
