you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
