You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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