i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
