My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
