i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
