You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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