Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
