If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize